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Sissy's Birthday Surprise!
As many of you know, today is my girlfriend Sissy's birthday. This is one I guarantee she will never forget, as this morning two guys from a local Scottsdale auto dealership showed up to gave her a...
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It's Our House - Don't Mess It Up
As I've been pondering the field of presidential hopefuls, I can't help but wonder what they'd do to the White House.I think I speak for us all when I say that after the painful spectacle of Barack and...
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Transgendermania
I read with interest today's World News Bureau story on transgender Girl Scouts, shortly after writing it. This subject really hits home with me - not just because the whole country has seemingly gone...
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Fan Mail
I received an angry email over the piece I posted Friday about my girlfriend's sister, Spud (I don't know her real name). Apparently, a reader felt I was making fun of Spud and other transgender...
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Suburban Jihad
Okay, I've known for awhile something was up.It started with my girlfriend Sissy being constantly on her computer, although that wasn't really that big a deal since she's pretty much always on the...
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Deliverance
As I mentioned yesterday, my girlfriend Sissy has been communicating with some filthy carpet-kisser named Faruhk who's talked her into becoming a "valiant warrior princess for the cause of...
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A House Divided
They say that the biggest sources of friction in a relationship are sex, money, politics, and religion. My girlfriend Sissy and I are fortunate that three of the four don't effect ours:Sex: Outside of...
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Residential Unrest
It's no secret that my girlfriend Sissy perhaps identifies with black people more than white since she believes she's 1/32nd black. When we first got together and she told me this I just assumed she...
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Race War
Okay, like the night before, last night was a rough one - the racial tension in this house was so thick you could cut it with a knife.Dinner was normal enough if you call having a large protester wave...
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Oh Crap, It's Rev. Al
For those of you who have not been following the racial tension that's been simmering in my house, my partially-black (1/32nd) girlfriend and her accomplice, my cat Mr. Jangles, have been rioting for...
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There's Nothing Here
So, Sissy's been bugging the crap out of me because I haven't written anything here this week. I told her it's none of her business because the name of this website is "Scooter Van Neuter.com" not...
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Mother's Day
Sunday was Mother's Day, and as usual we took Bambi, my girlfriend Sissy's mom, out to eat at her favorite place. I've never seen Golden Corral so busy - we had to wait for over an hour to get a table....
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The Cocker Effect
Okay, I'll be the first to admit I haven't been providing an abundance of material for this site lately. It's not that I don't want to write, or have nothing to write about because I can always make...
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Fish
It seems like lately my girlfriend Sissy and I have been arguing a lot. Last night it was about fish, of all things:Sissy: We really should eat more fish.Me: I'll start eating fish when they stop...
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Movie Review: San Andreas
By movie critic Scooter Van NeuterI attended an advanced screening Wednesday night of Warner Brothers new blockbuster disaster film, San Andreas. The film features "The Rock" Dwayne Johnson as a Los...
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Augmation
It's interesting that Bruce Jenner is in the news today, as my girlfriend Sissy was just getting over her insecurities raised by the last piece I did about him.The whole thing started when I did a...
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Please Get Back To Me
I guess I really wasn't expecting my girlfriend Sissy to read my last article, but she did. It goes without saying she was more than slightly upset with me discussing her mammaralymamerley breasteses...
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Reader Interaction
Here's where I interact with my readers:Reader: i am a woman and i find it sickening how you make fun of sissy. is that all you can think of to write about is making fun of her? men like you are the...
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Grunter
Saturday was a bittersweet day for my girlfriend Sissy and myself. You see, we're both horse people, although not in the sense that one or both of our parents were horses - I mean we like horses, or at...
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The Calling
Everyone knows how much I aspire to be an inner-city pastor, but also has seen how difficult it's been for me to get the tools I need to be one. My campaign to raise money for a new Mercedes only...
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The Healing Ministry Of Prophetess Sissy
The title says it all - my girlfriend has officially embarked on what promises to be a very profitable blessed ministry of healing/knocking down sick people and speaking the prophetic word!Since her...
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Prophetess Sissy Spews Anointment
I mentioned the other day about my girlfriend Sissy's inspiration and training to become a prophetess. Well, all I can say about her appearance last night at the Refreshing Holy Ghost Pentecostal...
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Jurassic World Movie Review
By movie critic Scooter Van NeuterSunday I went to a screening of Steven Spielberg's Jurassic World at my local IMAX. Having been a big fan of the first two or three installments of this franchise, I...
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Tre' Trannie
As many of you know, revenue streams at this site, if there were to be any, are down sharply. Meanwhile, the rent on our four story Scottsdale building just went up another $12,500 a month, forcing me...
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Reader Interaction
This is where I actually communicate with my readers. I don't do this a lot so when I do, it's kind of special.Reader: I keep waiting for a theme here. Is there going to be one - I'm getting tired of...
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The Wedding Planner
Okay, so I named this article after a movie, but it wasn't just to be clever, although integrating popular movie references into titles is so clever most people never think of it. The Wedding Planner...
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Pool Party!
My girlfriend Sissy and me decided Friday to have a family pool party for the Fourth of July. I found a great pool at Wal-Mart that had all the features I wanted (except for a diving board, which I...
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Job
No doubt a few of you think this is a story about the guy in the Bible, but that would mean you are pronouncing "job" with an "e" on the end which would be bizarre. More likely, you are excitedly...
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A Cry For Help
My girlfriend Sissy's little sister, Spud (I don't think that's her real name). has been acting a little strange lately. As many of you know, Spud is mildly retarded developmentally challenged, but not...
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Sissy And Bill Cosby
This morning as I casually mentioned to my girlfriend Sissy an article in New York Magazine where 35 women relate being assaulted by Bill Cosby, she suddenly burst into tears. After finally getting her...
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Job 2
Everyone's been hitting me up for discount auto treatments since I wrote bout my excellent new job in the Automotive spa industry. Unfortunately, for a number of personal and professional reasons, I...
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Readership Down
Unfortunately, readership is down dramatically at this site. Sissy says it's because Bachelor In Paradise is back on, but I suspect it's because I'm not posting any stories. My thought was that if I...
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Readership Skyrockets!
I'm glad to report that readership at this site is up over 3000% thanks to our new journalistic business model! On behalf of myself and the entire staff, I would like to welcome these 43 new...
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A Star Is Born
Okay, everyone knows that I've been looking for a new job - one that will allow me to execute my personal mission statement - "To productively and efficiently utilize my life skills, experience, and...
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Super Stardom!
Okay, I know it's been awhile, but my life has been catapulted into the ionosphere of super-stardom, all but erasing any free time (or interest) I have for non-stardom related things, like writing.So...
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Supernova!
Those of you who know me obviously are not surprised by my overnight rise to super-stardom, and everyone who hasn't known me now knows me like no other, thanks to my no-compromise talents, no-nonsense...
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What's Really Important.
Okay, you haven't heard from me for a few months because I recently had an apiphanyepifony startling realization about what's really important in life. Whether it was God sending me a message or...
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Zika
Most of you are aware of the fact that my girlfriend Sissy's little sister, Spud, (I don't think that's her real name) is retarded developmentally challenged and as such, tends to be somewhat easily...
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Movie Review: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
By movie critic Scooter Van NeuterMy girlfriend Sissy and I decided to go see Rogue One: A Star Wars Story last weekend. Star Wars should never be experienced in anything less than IMAX 3D, so I called...
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Deep State
I don't have to tell you that since the election, getting anything accomplished has become nearly impossible, thanks to the subverting efforts of the "deep state."An example in point: This morning I...
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Trump Won't Stop Us From Saving The Planet
It's common knowledge that my girlfriend Sissy and myself are very ecologically sensitive, and therefore obviously distraught over President Trump pulling the U.S. out of the Paris Climate Accord....
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Not In My House
As a patriotic American, when I see somebody disrespecting our National Anthem or flag, I see red. For the first time in my life, I've stopped watching NFL football because I simply cannot tolerate...
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Weinstein Scandal Hits Home
For the last week, I've been trying to figure out what the hell's wrong with my girlfriend Sissy, culminating in this blowup last night during dinner:Sissy: Why haven't you asked me what's wrong?Me:...
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Movie Review - Star Wars: The Last Jedi
By movie critic, Scooter Van NeuterIt was with no small amount of anticipation that I went to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi yesterday. I wish I could say that anticipation was rewarded, but alas, I...
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To Live Again
Some of you may have heard that Sissy and I had a falling out, and I'm here to confirm that when I find out who on my staff leaked this information, there will be consequences including one or more of...
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Oscars 2018
As I do every year, last night I attended the Academy Awards. Due to the recent breakup with my longtime girlfriend, Sissy, I elected to take a professional escort - a common practice for single...
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Getting Well
Judging by the numerous emails I've been receiving, many of you are worried about my welfare since I haven't posted anything for a few months. This is to assure you that I'm fine. In fact, I've never...
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State Of Conflict
Yesterday Sissy and I had a fight that left us hurt, confused, angry, and at least in Sissy's case, hungry.Here's how it went down:Sissy: I hate it when you don't raise the toilet seat when you pee....
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Coronavirus
The reason I haven't written anything for a while is because our home has become ground zero for the coronavirus, and the situation is dire. It all started when my girlfriend Sissy and I had dinner at...
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Coronavirus - Sissy Infected!
Holy cow, I don't even know where to begin. Last week I shared the awful news that I had contracted the coronavirus. Well, as it turned out, I actually had an STD and after some antibiotics and...
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